New Olympic Sport Proposal

I just ended one of those weeks where my outlook calendar has more blocks than lines and now, at the end, I am awake as usual at 5:40am, but on a Saturday unfortunately, and with a slightly upset tummy just from all the movin and shakin. I wish I could stay right in this spot for the next 24 hours and not move but I'm going to have to get out of the way at some point because the cleaning lady comes today. Which is ordinarily a good thing but today not so much because I just want to hide under the covers, I don't care that it's sunny out.

See below for how a wannabe-wishIwas-fabulous-but-I'm-ordinary New Yorker's calendar can get. Often. And people wonder why we look so old. Of course that part I will fight with potions and needles and scalpels, forget what they say about black don't crack. It can and does so I'm on the case. And it melts too! Anyhoooooo..let's run through the schedule of the past week. Assume a 6:15am work start time each day ending around 5ish but including all manner of appointments and client lunches during the day. And this is real talk and all happened this week. I just pulled this out of my Blackberry.

Sunday: 2:00pm Brunch with sorority sisters at the marvelous 'Cesca on the UWS. Delish.

Monday: 5:00pm personal trainer followed by 7:00pm show at Caroline's Comedy Club

Tuesday: 4:15am wake up for 60 minutes of cardio before work

6:00pm dinner at Spice Market for which I was 30 minutes late due to C train

Wednesday: 5:30pm gym (6:00pm trainer) followed by a fundraiser at Essex Restaurant

Thursday: 6:30pm spin class followed by dinner which was mercifully cancelled, substituted with Ugly Betty and Real Housewives of NY (on dvr)

Friday: 5:00pm gym for 60 minutes cardio followed by dinner at Asia de Cuba

A noble goal

Yeah I'm bragging on the great gym week I had but what had happened was, I bought this new scale that doesn't lie and the truth hurts. I need to get on it because all those client lunches and dinners and brunches with girlfriends and whatnot add up around the waistline and bootie areas. But not the boobie area unfortunately. The whole thing can really compromise your sexy if you don't watch it.

In Manhattan everyone I know is always like, "Oh, I'm having dinner with friends" or "I have drinks with colleagues/a client" or "I'm on my way to such and such fundraiser, I'm on the board". Or even better, "I got invited to this sort of secret party at this loft in Tribeca" and stuff like that. It's like, a competitive sport which perhaps deserves its own Olympic medal. If ping pong has one then New York socializing should too. The one-upmanship at the water cooler and/or on Facebook is astonishing! 

At work the morning question, "What did you do last night" is inevitably answered with something like, "Oh I went to the Vampire Weekend concert got trashed backstage and woke up in a panic at 4:30am next to a stranger thinking I was in Katmandu." or "Oh I had dinner at [insert fabulous restaurant needing a reservation 10 weeks in advance] with my friend who's friends with Kate Hudson and she stopped by. NOT cute in person." This ritual reaches its zenith on Mondays with the "What did you do this weekend?" but is only surpassed when someone returns tan, always tan, from vacation and you say, "Where did you go?" None of this Disneyland or Bahamas mess. It's always like, "I went to Mauritius to observe the last dodo bird on the planet while hanging from trees upside down and performing cleft palette surgeries on the natives."  "Oh, I didn't know you were a surgeon." "Yeah I was a plastic surgeon before b school but I got bored with it, I just do it as a hobby now." Whenever I overhear or even worse, participate in a conversation like this I just wanna be like, "You're such a liar. You saw that in a movie."

But seriously though, to reference my earlier post "A Sad Day In Gotham" if you don't mention Brunch on Monday morning people will look at you funny. No joke. Gotta do Brunch. 

Of course all of these reports have to be delivered in a blasé tone so as to disguise the speaker's utter delight in one upping your frozen dinner at home in front of the dvr story. Which I frankly tell with relish since I love watching TV so much. And also too, it is VERY important not to be late to work as a result of your social life. It's a rookie mistake and very very bad form. At least on the trading floor. You will be shamed.

So I'm working on a point system to propose "New York Socialite" to the IOC (=International Olympic Committee). There will be three categories of judging: Stamina, Status and Style:

Stamina

+1 point for every half hour less than 8 hours you sleep due to the event

+1 point for every cocktail/glass of wine pounded

+2 points if you make it to work before 7 am the next day

+2 points if you squeeze in the gym (min 30 minutes) the day of event

+2 points if you make it to the gym (min 30 minutes) the day after the event

-5 points for coming into work late the next day, whatever the time is

Status

+1 point if the event is a fundraiser

+1 point if you are on the board at the organization hosting the fundraiser

+2 points for the event being a secret

+2 points for location being membership only (i.e. Soho House)

+2 points for every A list celebrity you see

-2 points for every C or below list celebrity you see

+4 points for every photo published of you at the event in the media

+5 points if you spend over $1000 in one night

+10 points if your name is mentioned in Page Six or any other legit gossip rag/blog

Style

+1 points for every designer piece of clothing you wear to the event

-1 points for poorly manicured hands at the event

+2 points if you get your hair done just for the event

-2 points for looking a mess the next day

-2 points for coming in smelling like booze

+3 points if you get your makeup done just for the event 

+3 points for waking up next to a stranger, bonus +2 if he/she is hot

Under these criteria I get like 1000 points for this week but I'm not a world class player. I'm a small potato, an amateur, not connected, a little fish in a big deep pond. I don't have membership in a fancy club, designer clothes or 1000 bux to drop in one night but I do go to fundraisers and hope one day to sit on the board of one. 

Anyway I'm going to give this point system more thought and continue to refine it. And type it up and send it in. Because if badminton is in there, this should be too. And it's infinitely more exciting.