It's That Time of Year Again!

See below for the Sophie's Choice facing me in the next 48 hours, since I've recently (today) decided to fire my accountant. He's slow and lives way out in an outer borough requiring FedEx back and forth and such, and for 2008 things just weren't that complicated. Dealing with him, nice man that he is, is torture. Really. Plus he always calls me from a blocked number which I think is shady. Like...are you calling me from jail?

This? or...

Form 4868. I know it well.

I really should just do it myself, tonight, since I didn't book any losses or gains in the stock market or buy or sell property. I left everything (let's call it nothing) in my 401k alone. Sitting right where it was, pitiful and skinny and neglected and lonely. My poor little itty bitty 401k. It is just so beat up! :-(

My 401k.

Then there was the employment situation which was mostly the same...meaning no multiple jobs. I mean, there was a bit of a corporate shift but it was pretty seamless administratively speaking and the papers are in order on that.

The only complicated part is my charitable donations. Gotta make sure I got all my papers are straight...which is the true reason behind my procrastination. Although, I would have found another reason if I didn't have this one. I regularly give tons of unworn and gently worn stuff to the Salvation Army (because the donation center is seriously close to my place) which even with their stringent criteria should make a dent in my tax bill. I'm also a member of NPR and some other ish...this is Manhattan after all and it's all about being on boards and committees etc. Plus there is what I have given to my alma mater and the various other things along the way last year. Honestly it's a bit out of control so perhaps 2009 will be a leaner year for all of that.

Fingers crossed I don't pass out from exhaustion when I get home (last night was not a good sleep as Sunday never is) and I get around to one or the other so Uncle Sam won't come knocking on my door. Fingers crossed harder that my W4s are all straight and I have been having the right amount deducted. Don't want any ugly surprises!

Have YOU done your taxes yet?

I Hate Sunday Nights!

So it's Sunday night and it's been a lovely weekend. I am so sad to see it come to an end. I wish I lived in Europe and had the Monday off too. Europeans take Friday and Monday off for Easter because they know how to relax. A three day weekend is great, a four day one remarkably restorative. It's almost a whole week off! And days off are great whether I co-sign on the reason or not. Shooooooot....

So yesterday I co-hosted a lovely party for a friend's birthday and it was great! Lots of beautiful and fabulous and fun people, friends from school and work and other parts of life. Although what's up with people calling to say they're on their way and not coming? Somebody did that last night. I think that's weird. Anyway we had good vibes, good booze, good food and it was an all around good time. And more importantly, my frenetic search for the perfect outfit bore fruit (although it cost me). I LOVE Saks Fifth Avenue. In fact it's my favorite department store in Manhattan methinks. And I've convinced myself the cost is ok because I WILL be running that outfit at this other party coming up with a bunch of different people and can think of other occasions I can run it since I have a few different crowds. Amortizing the cost over the number of wears I will get it was a good investment. Sadly I am kind of shiny and boozy looking in many of last night's pics (guess I was hot and didn't realize it) so the photographic record doesn't do me any justice at all. The glare from my forehead distracts from the faboo a bit. When I rerun that outfit I am going to 1) wear a bit of powder, 2) fast for one full day beforehand, and 3) not drink so much! Maybe I'll even invest in some lashes (the extensions not the falsies, I don't want my eyeballs to go completely bald). That will take my game up one more notch, not that it was quite off last night...just trying to take the level to a perfect score. Ha! I wish. :-)

Since it's Sunday night, the saddest time of the week for me even though I love my job, I don't have a lot of time to pontificate or reflect deeply or even shallowly on much. But...I do want to know what folks think about the new blog burning up the Internets featuring groupies' stories. I have posted my own brush with groupieness on here, in "Datin' Ballers" dated February 1st, about a pro ball player who tried to holler and whose advances I spurned for fear of The Herps. These stories fascinate me for obvious reasons. I'm not very pc and try to avoid judging other people since I'm no angel, but curious to know what others think. Warning - it's so NSFW. So very not.

About Allen Iverson. Poor guy! How tragic. I think they have operations for that, wonder why he hasn't gotten one. Doesn't he know women kiss and tell? How is he gonna have the nerve to put his wife out in the cold, nekked, with that going on? Or not going on. Ha! Do y'all remember that? It was a scandal. Another sad one is the answer to why one groupie didn't ever spend the night with Jay-Z, "I didn't want to wake up next to him. He's ugly." Ouch! Check it out at http://talesfromagroupie.blogspot.com.

He may be ugly but he wifed the baddest you know what in the game!

Thoughts?

Is It Live Or Is It Memorex?

No big adventures the past few days, although I am about to embark upon some great little endeavors including hosting a party, and helping a friend a teensy bit if I can with her very important party, and dodging questions about Easter and why I am going shopping tomorrow and not to church. And a fundraiser in a couple of weeks for which I am on the committee!!! Moving up in the Manhattan world. And lots of travel in the next two months. Of course now reality TV has been a WHOLE 'NOTHER story. Very eventful the past seven days. More on that in a moment. But first...

After the post before last post I got a lot of "God is good" going on in my ear. Uh, ok. I don't know why people think preaching like that will convert a non-believer, a never-believer. Discussion is good for sports' sake and preaching is futile. Say something interesting. By the way I don't like the word "non-believer" because it exists in a negative space with the whole "non" part and also because it derives its meaning from another word, and I don't see not believing that way at all. Humanist, I like a lot. It's a nice word. It doesn't imply deviance. It doesn't reinforce Judeo Christian hegemony. More specifically one can be a Secular or Christian or any other adjective Humanist but I'm a Secular one. If you're curious about Humanism broadly speaking, visit http://www.humanism.org/. I can't endorse every single word on the site because I haven't read every single word, but I agree 100% with the "Statement of the Humanist Movement". Of course there are other sources but that sums up what I believe.

Now, back to more important things. Shows I watch include the Real Housewives on Bravo - all of them. I also used to watch The Hills but grew weary of those children (they are children to me) flipping their hair and pouting their glossy lips. Don't get me wrong because I am a fan of the heavy black eyeliner with shiny nude lip look because that's how I roll, but I hope I have more substance than these girls. Sometimes I do. One interesting thing the show did for me, along with following my girl Britney, was to illustrate to me that white girls wear weave too. Who knew? The question is, do they buy Indian hair or fellow white girl hair? Where does their hair weave come from? Anyway I am officially kicked out of the MTV demographic therefore basically there is something unnatural about me watching this mess, so I divested myself of The Hills last season. I also check out Harlem Heights (they're also too young for me but I gotta watch it) and Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is. It was Keyshia Cole who broke my 20 year BET boycott. I have a total girl crush on her. I love her ghetto fabulousness to death, but I can't pull it off, wouldn't be authentic. I never had to go see my toothless crackhead mama in jail so I just don't have that kind of swagger. I still refuse to watch BET other than those two shows, but that's another post altogether. And then there are other things I watch but nothing reality TV wise that is quite so juicy.


Keyshia Cole. I have a major girl crush.

Ok. So. In The Hills season premiere Spencer straight gaffled Cameron, his sister Stephanie's ex boyfriend. Stephanie's upper lip is looking particularly juicy btw. I wonder if it's Juvederm, which is the new plumper of choice. Did you see it? And did you know Spencer was so gangsta? Am I wrong for thinking that's a little hot even though he's totally weird looking? I'm wrong, totally wrong. And we all know how Spencer plays the bad boy for the cameras so I think he's going for an Emmy or a movie role or something. Apparently my homey Cameron needed stitches after Spencer wailed on him like that. Those punches were real. Well. Now the children have gotten my attention again so I'm back on The Hills. Yes I do fall for cheap tricks. And, I think that Heidi looks just like a Barbie doll. Not real in any way but money well spent. Bravo, Heidi! Shoot, I think she looks good...in that way that she looks good. Feel me?


Heidi before. Heidi after. Nose, boobs and chin. And peroxide.

Now let's talk about people just as childish and crazy but 20 years older than The Hills crew, the Real Housewives of New York. I officially proclaim Kelly Ben Simon to be a cokehead. At least, in my humble opinion observing her behavior. Plus she rocked a green dress with pink rubber boots so she gets a gas face for that...but more importantly what is up with her trying to cuss out my girl Bethenny!? In the middle of Brass Monkey no less, followed by the worst flirting I've ever seen with a guy who frankly seemed a bit gay and was carrying a laptop bag. My loyalty is with Bethenny and her mia* jaws. She is just so crazy and jaded and so real with it, I feel like she's my soulmate. But not in a weird stalker fan way. I just can relate to her thing. Totally unpretentious yet fabulous for brief moments, every once in a while. Low key enough to feel snubbed by an orange giraffe (Kelly) pretending not to know her repeatedly. Although perhaps a biscuit or two once a week wouldn't hurt Bethenny because frankly when you start to approach 40 you need either Juvederm or a couple of pounds (just 3 pounds not 10 pounds) to keep your face youthfully plump and rosey. See Exhibit A below. Bethenny, stop sticking your finger down your throat! There is so much more to say about this show but I'll save some for later.


Exhibit A. If the Material Girl ate some real material she wouldn't need the foreign material clearly propping up the skin in her face. A shame what age does to the lips. *sigh*

Now on to Harlem Heights. I think it's progress that "we" have our own silly staged reality tv show devoted to banal concerns just like The Hills, which this show is clearly modeled after. But there is also the social consciousness element, hence the show starting with the election of My Boo...and the redemption of hood homey Jason. I wonder if the show would attract viewers outside of the obvious demographic if it didn't preach about giving back to the community so much. Why can't the girls just be superficial and bourgeois and devious like on The Hills? Am I wrong for that? I'm wrong. Again. Sometimes I be thinking some wrong things. I just don't like being preached to when I'm trying to have fun by watching stupid television. I fast forward through the non profit parts. I wanna see Brooke, Kan-YAY's ex girlfriend (I thought it was KANye all this time, who knew), smooching on homey in the club while Ashlie gives them dirty looks from behind the bar. That was awesome. I'm of the belief that we need to stop being so Self Conscious (go Kan YAY) and showing it by inserting a non profit conversation into every thing we do. My two cents. My favorite on the show is Briana: "If you not cookin dinner on Sunday while he and his boys watchin the game, you not his girl." Ha! I know that's right. I wonder if ordering take out for everybody and putting it on a plate counts?




















*Mia = Bulimia. In this context, "bulimic". Bulimics sometimes get swollen, prominent jaws as a side effect of puking. You can google it, I'm telling the truth.

Mm mm mm

Idris Elba. A Brit of course. Now starring in the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency on HBO

All day. All night. Every day. E.V.E.R.Y. NIGHT.

Icons

Back during the election My Boo got in trouble for saying about small town Pennsylvanians, that they "get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."


Ted Nugent, although I'm not sure he's religious. But he sure likes guns!

I personally agreed but cringed as Hillary, whom I would have voted for but don’t love, was able to capitalize on this mistake. Her hubby was my first presidential boo though, I was NOT hating on Monica…power is sexy, what can I say. And those sparkly eyes and grin. Don’t mess with Bill! But anyway My Boo was speaking the truth but not just about small town Pennsylvania.

Look at those big, strong yet graceful hands!

People DO cling to God and religion. Black people in the hood cling to guns and pit bulls too. It is human nature to want to believe in something. We need a safety net that lets us off the hook and gives us something to look forward to. Heaven, reincarnation into a higher caste, “the man that has been prepared for you”, whatever floats your boat.

What made me think of this? Yesterday I saw this dude who looked just like Ned the Wino. He was sitting on a park bench, chillin like only someone who doesn’t have a job to go back to can chill at that time of day. Perhaps he had just gotten off his shift or something and was waiting for somebody else to get off work so they could go do something together. But he kind of looked underemployed to me.

For those of you too young to remember, Ned the Wino was a character on the legendary sitcom, Good Times (spun off from Maude which was spun off from All In The Family). The oldest son in the family was JJ played by the hard-on-the-eyes comedian Jimmy Walker, and he was an artist. One day he painted a portrait of a black Jesus and hung it in the living room after which the family enjoyed a string of good luck. Now, the whole premise behind the show was this family’s bad luck, hence the ironic title Good Times. So clearly, good things actually happening deserved like, a whole plotline because it was so unusual. I swear those folks had the worst luck trying to get out the projects. Everytime they were on the verge somebody died (James, season four, car accident in Mississippi), broke their leg (Keith, bye bye NFL) or got betrayed by their lover (Wilona, too many examples to count).

Well, eventually somebody noticed that Jesus looked just like the bum on the corner – a dude called Ned the Wino. Until that they thought it was Jesus blessing the family with good fortune. Turned out it was just a picture of a regular old drunk in a robe. And sort of the moment they stopped believing the good things stopped happening and they went back to their hard luck life. So maybe it was the belief itself that brought the good fortune, or luck, or Jesus. And of course the fact they switched from the white Jesus to the black one. Right? I don't know, it was a cute episode.

Ok…what was my point? Oh yeah, well this dude looked precisely like Ned the Wino to the point where I almost went up to him like … “Ned, what’s up homey? You still a drunk? Still posing for Jesus portraits? Can I take a picture of you and put it on my wall?”


Ned the Wino talks to the matriarch, Florida, in another episode

Also my other point is…um…maybe this is the whole point? I dunno. Anyway I am continually amazed by human beings’ deep need to believe in something outside of the force of human action to arrange events in their favor, and to explain events that are not in their favor. We are collectively obsessed with this higher being concept and have waged wars, committed genocide, drawn party lines, excommunicated and executed and burned people at the stake over it. But what’s that really all about? Creating order out of chaos and giving us a way to sleep at night with some sort of reassurance that it’ll be better tomorrow and at the very least, it’ll get better when we die, which is inevitable. So like, a 100% satisfaction guaranteed sort of thing. Who doesn’t like a full warranty?


Joan of Arc, now a Saint. How ironic.

But…what if things don’t go your way because it’s YOUR FAULT or even somebody else’s but you just gotta live with it, no relief in sight, no answer to your prayers? And what if lucky things happen to you randomly? Like buying a winning lottery ticket or narrowly avoiding getting hit by a bus? What if it turns out you're very very lucky or very unlucky? Do we think that people who don’t win the lottery or do get hit by that bus don’t have a picture of Ned the Wino on the wall? Of course they do! They say their prayers too. I was in church several years ago and the pastor goes, “There were no saints (Pentecostals) in that World Trade Center! Because we are SAVED!” Well how dumb is that? I never went back to that church again, which is awkward because my grandfather founded it but whatever. One of my girlfriends who still believes in God for some reason – I guess this same human nature reason or maybe because she's Catholic - is getting a divorce and has come to believe that God just has favorites and she’s not one of them. These people must all be homeys with Ned the Wino. Frankly no one in the world could ever say the divorce is her fault in any way, including her soon-to-be-ex husband. But yet she’s divorcing after a 9 year relationship, she wants kids, and has an alarmingly short shelf life remaining on that trade. Bitter is not the word.

So the question is, what happens when you find out the picture on your wall is just a drunk on the corner, incorporated accidently into your religious iconography by a teenager’s unconscious mind? Will your good fortune disappear? What happens if whatever you pray for never happens and like all middle aged and old people you turn your focus towards praying for Heaven and then you die and nothing happens? Kind of anticlimactic, eh? Would you be liberated and empowered here on Earth by the notion that nobody is in charge but the collective of humanity? Would it motivate you to do good work and inspire good work in others or do you need the promise of Heaven to do that? Would it scare you half to death? Would you be relieved of the crippling effect of hopeless hope and be able to get down to business and make something good happen? Or would you experience the existential nausea that Jean-Paul Sartre so eloquently described in La Nausee and become paralyzed?

What if there is no God?