Maybe you know, or maybe you don't know...the term
"yellow wasted". It is a quote specifically from Daughters of the
Dust (a film by Julie Dash, 1991), spoken by the character Viola Peazant in
reference to a light skinned woman who didn't quite look European. Meaning, a
waste of light skin on black features. This term has history, and it's foul,
but beyond the scope of this post, mostly. Kinda.
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| Daughters of the Dust film still |
Well now like I said, color isn't the subject of this post
per se. It is about a man who happens to be light skinned and who also happens
(really, happened...more explanation on the tense change later) to be good
looking. But his fineness is wasted on his inferior personality; he is utterly
bereft of empathy and social skills. Let's call him...Boris. No offense to the
real Boris and btw your wife was brilliant in Streetcar.
So, I met Boris a little over four years ago in Manhattan at
one of those "all black people who can read are here" parties.
Actually it wasn't quite that crowded but that was the concept. He stepped to
me quite definitively and got the digits, and we went out a few times. He was
technically quite proficient with dating, because he's a systematic and
meticulous fellow. But, there was no art. I mean zzzzzzzzz....plus just a lot
of dumb comments about my skin color, one of his favorite obsessions being a light
skinned man and all. I got the feeling he thought he was doing me a favor since
he repeatedly reminded me none of his friends likes dark women.
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| Girl something about those gold teeth is so sexy! |
It fizzled but with no drama so eventually, like maybe a
year give or take later, we went out again, several times. This time, a little
more in earnest. But just a little. At least on my part because I was
definitely evaluating the relationship potential more seriously. After all, it
was a remix so attention had to be paid. And also like a remix, probably a bad
idea.
Every year Boris has this ginormous event at his house and
say three years ago I rolled through with a large crew of my girls. Because,
being the pig that he is, he is on that "bring lots of girls" tip.
Now, at the time we were dating or something like that. Maybe dating overstates
it. We were in a period where we went on many dates in a row, with regularity,
over a period of a few months. So I erroneously thought this may bring me some
sort of "status" if you will, at the party. I wasn't expecting to be
frying up the chicken on Sunday while he and his boys was watchin the game but
when there was a line at grill I asked him if he would get one of my girls a
hamburger (I was and still am, a vegetarian) he pointed and said, "there's
the line".
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| I'll make you a hamburger betta than McDonald's! |
Hold. The. Phone. I thought I would at least get a
burger without a wait. Is that a lot to ask? Just sayin'.
Ok so, next, I observed him very openly flirting with many
many of the very pressed chicken heads at the party. Pressed because he's a
Black Person Who Can Read/BPWCR (plus has no babies and no record)
and has a lot of accoutrements associated with that. Plus there is the
resemblance to Boris Kodjoe. So, you can see where this is going...
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| But I'm a light skinned pig so that makes it ok. |
My crew and I decided that this treatment was unacceptably
rude to and beneath me as a woman of class, culture and such and forth, so we
bounced. Somehow we ended up on the LES and had a rager of a night that
culminated in me receiving some bizarre texts that my friends inform me were
from a cute South American tourist or something or other...and even an injury!
It was a fun night I'm told. Maybe not so classy tho...
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| How cute is she? |
Ok I don't look anything like that but my knees did. Plus
this is a multicultural blog anyway.
Back to Boris. I subsequently sent him an email, almost 3
years ago to the day. I'm not trippin, I only remember this date because I
looked it up in gmail and I never clean out my box, so it's still sitting there
in "Sent Items":
After several months of dating there appears to me to be little chance of any mutually fulfilling intimacy developing between us. I have really tried and am somewhat disappointed to come to this conclusion but I can't ignore clear signals indefinitely. I wish you luck finding someone you think is worthy of your affection, attention and kindness.
He honestly seemed impressed that I dumped him over email
and wasn't a jerk about it right that second. He might have even squeezed out
something like, "you're a great girl". What? No "even though
you're dark skinned"??? We went our merry ways and I proceeded to then
date a monkey, followed shortly thereafter by a sadist. Because I have very bad
taste in men sometimes. But great taste in shoes! So it all balances out.
Anyway all of that about the monkey and the sadist may be too personal to
disclose here. Suffice it to say that Boris and I never had any drama because
neither of us cared enough to, and we kept in touch kinda loosely because we
are both BPWCR and know everybody in common and such and so forth.
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| In my bedroom...I have a brass...waterbed... |
As I reflected recently on my departure from the Big Apple
and the guest list for my going away, I reached out to invite him. Because I'm
a masochist (see above reference to dating a sadist). And he came and ate some
chicken and otherwise had nothing nice to say. Meaning, "you look
thinner/better". Whhhaaattt? Go away.
To reinforce the concept of why one should let sleeping dogs
lie, I made the mistake of friending Boris on FB somewhere along the way.
Earlier this week I posted something about trying to get back into shape...it
was a very tv focused winter/spring in Manhattan for me. As my status update I
put up my workout summary, admittedly kind of embarrassing but there is a whole
thread to it, a narrative if you will. Anyway I wrote "baby steps".
To which he replied, "premature baby steps maybe". To which I
replied...on my wall, "Boris don't be an asshole." And tagged his a**
so that every other BPWCR who knows us in common could see it. He was offended,
got his panties in a bunch, and un-friended me on the spot. After all his
comments about my skin color, weight, and not giving me no hamburger!? The
nerve.
He got the wrong one. BLOCK this person, is how it is done
on FB. And then, I'm putting you on blast over here but with a nice alias so
you can pretend that you're the hotness and be flattered I took the time.
To all you Borises out there who don't know when to shut the
hell up or perhaps have an undiagnosed relational disorder, keep your opinions
to yourself and/or see a shrink or life coach. I don't care how fine you think
you are or how much money you have: ugly on the inside = ugly on the outside.
What a waste of good looks.
