Is It Live Or Is It Memorex?

No big adventures the past few days, although I am about to embark upon some great little endeavors including hosting a party, and helping a friend a teensy bit if I can with her very important party, and dodging questions about Easter and why I am going shopping tomorrow and not to church. And a fundraiser in a couple of weeks for which I am on the committee!!! Moving up in the Manhattan world. And lots of travel in the next two months. Of course now reality TV has been a WHOLE 'NOTHER story. Very eventful the past seven days. More on that in a moment. But first...

After the post before last post I got a lot of "God is good" going on in my ear. Uh, ok. I don't know why people think preaching like that will convert a non-believer, a never-believer. Discussion is good for sports' sake and preaching is futile. Say something interesting. By the way I don't like the word "non-believer" because it exists in a negative space with the whole "non" part and also because it derives its meaning from another word, and I don't see not believing that way at all. Humanist, I like a lot. It's a nice word. It doesn't imply deviance. It doesn't reinforce Judeo Christian hegemony. More specifically one can be a Secular or Christian or any other adjective Humanist but I'm a Secular one. If you're curious about Humanism broadly speaking, visit http://www.humanism.org/. I can't endorse every single word on the site because I haven't read every single word, but I agree 100% with the "Statement of the Humanist Movement". Of course there are other sources but that sums up what I believe.

Now, back to more important things. Shows I watch include the Real Housewives on Bravo - all of them. I also used to watch The Hills but grew weary of those children (they are children to me) flipping their hair and pouting their glossy lips. Don't get me wrong because I am a fan of the heavy black eyeliner with shiny nude lip look because that's how I roll, but I hope I have more substance than these girls. Sometimes I do. One interesting thing the show did for me, along with following my girl Britney, was to illustrate to me that white girls wear weave too. Who knew? The question is, do they buy Indian hair or fellow white girl hair? Where does their hair weave come from? Anyway I am officially kicked out of the MTV demographic therefore basically there is something unnatural about me watching this mess, so I divested myself of The Hills last season. I also check out Harlem Heights (they're also too young for me but I gotta watch it) and Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is. It was Keyshia Cole who broke my 20 year BET boycott. I have a total girl crush on her. I love her ghetto fabulousness to death, but I can't pull it off, wouldn't be authentic. I never had to go see my toothless crackhead mama in jail so I just don't have that kind of swagger. I still refuse to watch BET other than those two shows, but that's another post altogether. And then there are other things I watch but nothing reality TV wise that is quite so juicy.


Keyshia Cole. I have a major girl crush.

Ok. So. In The Hills season premiere Spencer straight gaffled Cameron, his sister Stephanie's ex boyfriend. Stephanie's upper lip is looking particularly juicy btw. I wonder if it's Juvederm, which is the new plumper of choice. Did you see it? And did you know Spencer was so gangsta? Am I wrong for thinking that's a little hot even though he's totally weird looking? I'm wrong, totally wrong. And we all know how Spencer plays the bad boy for the cameras so I think he's going for an Emmy or a movie role or something. Apparently my homey Cameron needed stitches after Spencer wailed on him like that. Those punches were real. Well. Now the children have gotten my attention again so I'm back on The Hills. Yes I do fall for cheap tricks. And, I think that Heidi looks just like a Barbie doll. Not real in any way but money well spent. Bravo, Heidi! Shoot, I think she looks good...in that way that she looks good. Feel me?


Heidi before. Heidi after. Nose, boobs and chin. And peroxide.

Now let's talk about people just as childish and crazy but 20 years older than The Hills crew, the Real Housewives of New York. I officially proclaim Kelly Ben Simon to be a cokehead. At least, in my humble opinion observing her behavior. Plus she rocked a green dress with pink rubber boots so she gets a gas face for that...but more importantly what is up with her trying to cuss out my girl Bethenny!? In the middle of Brass Monkey no less, followed by the worst flirting I've ever seen with a guy who frankly seemed a bit gay and was carrying a laptop bag. My loyalty is with Bethenny and her mia* jaws. She is just so crazy and jaded and so real with it, I feel like she's my soulmate. But not in a weird stalker fan way. I just can relate to her thing. Totally unpretentious yet fabulous for brief moments, every once in a while. Low key enough to feel snubbed by an orange giraffe (Kelly) pretending not to know her repeatedly. Although perhaps a biscuit or two once a week wouldn't hurt Bethenny because frankly when you start to approach 40 you need either Juvederm or a couple of pounds (just 3 pounds not 10 pounds) to keep your face youthfully plump and rosey. See Exhibit A below. Bethenny, stop sticking your finger down your throat! There is so much more to say about this show but I'll save some for later.


Exhibit A. If the Material Girl ate some real material she wouldn't need the foreign material clearly propping up the skin in her face. A shame what age does to the lips. *sigh*

Now on to Harlem Heights. I think it's progress that "we" have our own silly staged reality tv show devoted to banal concerns just like The Hills, which this show is clearly modeled after. But there is also the social consciousness element, hence the show starting with the election of My Boo...and the redemption of hood homey Jason. I wonder if the show would attract viewers outside of the obvious demographic if it didn't preach about giving back to the community so much. Why can't the girls just be superficial and bourgeois and devious like on The Hills? Am I wrong for that? I'm wrong. Again. Sometimes I be thinking some wrong things. I just don't like being preached to when I'm trying to have fun by watching stupid television. I fast forward through the non profit parts. I wanna see Brooke, Kan-YAY's ex girlfriend (I thought it was KANye all this time, who knew), smooching on homey in the club while Ashlie gives them dirty looks from behind the bar. That was awesome. I'm of the belief that we need to stop being so Self Conscious (go Kan YAY) and showing it by inserting a non profit conversation into every thing we do. My two cents. My favorite on the show is Briana: "If you not cookin dinner on Sunday while he and his boys watchin the game, you not his girl." Ha! I know that's right. I wonder if ordering take out for everybody and putting it on a plate counts?




















*Mia = Bulimia. In this context, "bulimic". Bulimics sometimes get swollen, prominent jaws as a side effect of puking. You can google it, I'm telling the truth.